Down in the abyss it's so deep and dark, even with your eyes open, you cannot see a thing. When you look up, because of the insurmountable height of the pit walls, you see not a speck of light.

Then God says, "Let there be light", and your whole existence is illuminated. You are in a deep dark pit. You ask God, "How did I get here?" It is where you end up when you follow your own dreams and desires. It is not a good place to be.

But as you live and learn, we all end up in the depth unless we are in touch with Our Creator, unless we keep Him first.

It's His plans and purpose for our lives that matter, not our own. It takes many of us a lifetime to figure this out.

I dug my own pit and now the Lord is graciously pulling me up and out, painful step by painful step.

From the outside looking in at my family and myself, they said, "You have it all."  The world would tell you I did. A great marriage, 2 homes, an engineering career, no kids and a Lucky dog. The American dream. (DINKS)

The change was gradual but discontentment was creeping in. In my late thirties, I started fertility testing and the conclusion was I could not have kids.

As a couple, we told ourselves this was okay. It wasn't meant to be. We filled our "family" time with promiscuous adult adventures. We were mature adults after all. Because it was consensual, it was okay right? We had to stay busy. Boredom was not an option for us.

Then it happened. At 42, I got pregnant and we had a beautiful miracle, a healthy baby boy. We were complete now.

Wrong. My husband wanted to stay in the "old" lifestyle. It's all he knew. He was addicted to the sex and porn and could not stop.

Myself, on the other hand, was trying to figure out the hormones and nurturing mode of motherhood. All I wanted was to take care of our son. My husband became jealous and didn't understand. I didn't want him or need him in a sexual capacity. Especially after a rough pregnancy and an emergency C-section. At 42, I definitely was not bouncing back.

At this time, I was looking for help but I definitely was not getting any. I thought moving out of the Bay Area to family was the solution. They could help me. My husband moved us to Beaverton, Oregon to be by his family. He did not want to go back to my Texas family where we met and married 17 year earlier.

In Oregon, he got us a large mansion. I did not want it. We were fighting about everything. There was "no making me happy" he said. I tried explaining at our happy hour date nights every week, but he was into sex and porn. I wanted to talk. He wanted to have "fun".

We were pretending. He could no longer control me and tell me what I thought or knew. We were separate, not wanting the same things any more. I wanted a dad and husband that was a family guy, not a fun successful party animal. I wanted to be a loving nurturing mom.

At first, I resented our son, thinking he was the problem, but it was us. My husband was still a high-power successful engineer and I was a stay at home mom. He would yell at me, "I want my engineering sex kitten back. Go back to work." I would yell, " I cannot leave our son and I am not going to let someone else raise him." Behind closed doors without God, life was ugly.

I was drinking heavily to escape and Rich was online, ignoring me, being passive aggressive. Stalemate! Something had to give.

After catching him the 3rd time in another illicit relationship, I told him we were separated. We were done.

The fateful night came April 14th, 2011. He came home and said he would do anything not to lose us. He said he would get help for his addictions. We would go to counseling. We would make it work. I couldn't believe it. I was shocked. It was what I had prayed for. My marriage was going to be fixed. I was thrilled.

It was midnight April 15th, 2011. I was all alone, going up, then going down, up and down. The Lord appeared to me in a cloud. He came to tell me many things, but the first was "my marriage could be fixed if we stayed the course." 

I was ecstatic, joyful, filled with the Holy Spirit, then and there. I couldn't believe He was real.  I was shocked, stunned, tongue-tied. I listened, I could not get enough.

I told everybody about the Lord coming to save me. I changed rapidly. I put down the bottle and kept up counseling. I was being healed from the inside out. Everything was going to be all right. 

I was wrong yet again. My husband said, "Why would God come and save you?" My inlaws said, "Of course, there's nothing wrong. You have a great life." My family said, "You will never change."

But I knew! I now knew God was real and He existed. I believed. I only cared about pursuing Him.

We did not stay the course. That life was gone. My husband of 23 years left. He went back to his old ways. 

I left Oregon after 2 nasty trials thinking to make a life for my son and I in Texas with my family. He was 7 by then. My husband left when he was 4 and a half.

Last summer my son chose to leave my home and go live with his dad in Oregon. After yet another nasty trial, his dad manipulated him and undermined my authority. My son didn't have a chance.

I raised him in the Christian faith just as the Lord wanted. He got eleven formative years under his belt but now it's time for him to fly solo at just 16.  I don't understand but I trust the Lord. He is Sovereign. I found out long ago, I don't have to understand, I must trust and obey.

Now my parents are in the 80's and I am here to care for them as my sister just moved to FL after living here all her life. 

And where does that leave me? In the best place possible. Reaching up my hand. He is pulling me up and out. I am at the top of the abyss. I can see my Light, Jesus. The author and finisher of my faith. 

I choose HIM!



​

Why Were the Heavens Created

 "Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm.
Nothing is too hard for you." JEREMIAH 32:17

Why did our Sovereign Lord make the Heavens?  Was it just for us to admire and observe? Where are the heavens, we ponder?  Very simply let me tell you, I asked and the Creator God answered me.  He is a loving personal God.  He wants to tell you too.

Studying physics-based astronomy in college was one of my most celestial classes. 
Though I didn’t like the physics part, it gave me an in-depth look at the magnitude of “The Heavens”.  This class taught us we live in an ever expanding universe.
At that time, I was not a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ.  I did believe, however, there had to be some supreme deity, reasoning there was nothing random or primordial about the cosmos.  It was too calculated and perfect.  The probability of randomness was infinite, meaning the theory of evolution was impossible.

Learning about the different religious philosophies was another story. 
Like the number of galaxies, humankind has come up with too many religions.  Most are rule-based, relying on each of us working our own way to Heaven.  You must strive to become perfect or enlightened.  Reasonably, I was a sinner.  Even I knew that much.  Maybe you can relate?  Not wanting to be a hypocrite, I went my own way for many years.

I rejected Christianity because it seemed rule-based as well, the Ten Commandments right?  “It just is”, they would state.  I would try to ask questions but quickly got shut down as blasphemous for questioning God.  If God couldn’t be questioned then He wasn’t worth knowing, right?  Why would He care about little ole me anyway?

Until, my carefully built stellar life came crashing down like a meteor shower in hot molten pieces all around me.  My universe collapsed.  A huge gaping, black hole and there was nothing I could do.  My husband departed, and not dearly, my son was kicked out of kindergarten with anger issues, then I was fired from my job because I was “not a good fit” anymore.  Talk about Big Bang!

In the midst of my chaos and confusion, The Lord came.  He wanted a personal relationship with me.  Shocked and traumatized, that’s when I realized I was not in control.  God, our Creator, was real and our Heavenly Father wanted to know me personally.  This was His Light show not mine.

Nine years have spun by since then.  The formation of a new soul came out of the burning ashes.  This woman’s primal dust was lit on fire, now white hot just like a star.  Telescopic views show how everything in this one life led up to that one moment in time and space, God coming to save me.  His Son is real and the Bible is true.  Like a swooshing comet, the Holy Spirit does come inside, filling us up.  Only then can we live biblical, moral, righteous, lives. 
But more importantly, we will live forever, an eternal life with God in Heaven.

So where exactly is Heaven?  From the Bible, we know Heaven is up. 
Here it is stated clearly in two different verses:
Then a loud voice from heaven called to the two prophets, “Come up here!”
And they rose to heaven in a cloud as their enemies watched.  Rev 11:12
 
When the Lord Jesus had finished talking with them, he was taken up into heaven and
sat down in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Mark 16:19
 
Jesus was taken up.  The two prophets rose.  Heaven is up.

And Jesus replied, “I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise.”  Luke 23:43

As a Christian spirit-filled believer, who dies, your spirit rises up to Heaven. 
We are with Jesus in paradise the moment our soul leaves this earth.  Our souls do not die but are transmuted.  Why can we not be a star?  Our souls become a new star which is in Heaven (which is up).  Before we receive our resurrected bodies, we are in Heaven with Jesus, but not in these earthly clay vessels anymore.  Our physical remains are committed to earth to return to dust.  Our light now burns brightly in the heavens as a star.

Do you like my theory?  Are you fascinated with the stars too? 
​Ask God to show you the truth.
This side of Heaven there is so many unfathomable mysteries this soul cannot comprehend.  Yet that never stops me from questioning my Creator God.  He loves to be questioned and even better, He loves to answer us, His earthly “stars”.
One question I ask Him about is the stars, those brilliant ever expanding points of light.  Pondering all I have learned, I ask Father God, “Are the stars us, our bodiless souls?  Are those all my fellow believers that have died and gone to Heaven before me?”
He just chuckles at me, loving me for my vivid imagination, “Maybe Daughter, maybe you are right.”
“I love you Lord!” I expound.
“I love you too Daughter.” He gently replies.
Ah, then the sweet Heavenly peace descends as overwhelming joy fills my glowing spirit.  I will find out soon enough.
The Lord made the Heavens.  They are ever expanding.  He has created one star, one Heavenly body for each soul who has accepted Him, those of us He chose for eternity with Him.  Who’s to say this isn’t true?  Only God Himself knows.  Why don’t you ask Him yourself?
-The End

So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free.
And don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. Galatians 5:1 NLT

Here are two words that make my flesh crawl: self-control. Being a believer in Christ these two
words can make or break God’s purpose for your life. He is your creator and He knows just
what you need to demolish strongholds in your life. You say, I am saved so I am good. What if
I told you it’s time to mature in Jesus Christ?

Why not flirt with your coworker? How about that half gallon of chocolate ice cream in the frig
calling your name? Why not have one more drink or one more smoke? Why not do recreational
drugs? There’s no harm in it is there? It doesn’t mean anything. Of course the answer is “yes”,
it causes great harm to you. With this worldly conforming attitude, now your flesh has full reign
and you have grieved Him, The Holy Spirit. If you are a Christ follower and have been saved by
faith through belief in our Lord Jesus Christ then yes, you have the Holy Spirit in you. Don’t fall
back into the trap that the Lord has rescued you from.

When you do these worldly fleshly things the Bible warns us against, shame and guilt follow.
Eventually, then doubt in God sets in, pushing you far away from His morality and reasoning. In
my case, before Jesus came and saved me, I decided I was innocent and guilt had no meaning in
my life. I was free to do as “I” pleased. The alcohol abuse and the promiscuous sexuality took
over, creating strongholds and lies, leading to the demise of my marriage.

What happens when you don’t feel Him, recognize Him or have Him on the inside? We fall and
fall hard. We fall into the enemy’s eager trap of temptation saying it’s never going to get better
so why not, everyone else does. Is this you?

For my scientific friends: Flesh = Fallen Nature (F=fn); the sin that so subtly ensnares us;
sometimes not so subtly. In this world, the only way to fight back against this fleshly nature is
The Holy Spirit.

Gal 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free and do not
be entangled with a yoke of bondage.

He has set you free, now stay free. You don’t need that alcoholic beverage to confront another.
It will only give you false confidence and courage, influencing you to “go for it”. It only makes
you more attractive in your own eyes, liquid courage to be flagrant and falsely bold. You wake
the next morning saying, “Why did I do that again?” to your own guilt and shame.
You don’t need that snort of crank to suppress your appetite, causing temporary weight lose
because you don’t feel like eating. Until…you come down or crash hard, starving and gorge
yourself on that tub of ice cream, feeling sick and fatter than ever.

People should love you for who you are without needing validation from others like your
coworkers. You want admiration and respect. You want everyone in the office to think highly
of you. Internally, you attempt to justify yourself and the lust manifests itself. Your spouse
doesn’t understand you anymore because you are fighting. You will show your spouse right?
Well, I will tell you a secret if you are a believer. You have victory in Christ Jesus, because The
Holy Spirit lives in you. If you cannot feel Him, then you go off in your fleshly nature and do
what you want to do instead of what God wants you to do.

First stop. Then pray for forgiveness, then repent and turn (turn 180 degrees) and realize why
you are doing what you are doing, what is driving you. Most likely your need for validation and
love is from the wrong source. Well you have love, and it’s not from your spouse, your family
or friends. It is from the Lord God Almighty who is able to guide you and lead you in just the
direction you need to go. Go after His Son, follow Him.
And if you do fall, which you will until you have true freedom in Christ, then repeat the above
steps or formula.

Also remember:
Romans 8:1 There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, those who do not walk according to their flesh, but according to the Spirit.

Forgive yourself and do not walk in the flesh again. This is how Jesus Christ frees you from
yourself. He’s already forgiven you, so forgive yourself.

If you have not recognized the living Christ as your Lord and Savior then say this simple prayer
and you are His. It’s now time for you to grow and learn in Him.

Dear Lord Jesus, I need forgiveness and repent of my sin nature, my flesh. I turn now 180
degrees and vow to try not to keep making the same mistakes but instead follow You. I make
you Lord and Savior of my life. AMEN

If you said this prayer contact me. I will help guide you to your next steps you need for freedom
in Christ. Welcome to the His family. It is a “Big Deal”!
All My Love, Stalwart Sharla